You Are Not Alone by Peter Mack

Author:Peter Mack
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789814794046
Publisher: Marshall Cavendish International

My ‘A’ Level results were worse than what I expected. In subjects that I used to score either an A or a B, I got C’s.

In university I did even worse. I kept cutting my wrist because of the pressure to score well. Also, there was pressure from my ex-boyfriend in university. He would compete with me for results, to see who scored higher. After every test we compared answers to find out who was right and who was wrong, and it was very stressful while we were waiting for results. He would keep analysing my performance to tell me why I couldn’t score adequately for First Class Honours. He also had a violent and bad temper. I was so stressed that my hair kept dropping. Finally I got my First Class Honours and I felt better. I always carried a penknife in my bag and I would use it to cut myself whenever my boyfriend gave me stress.

After graduation I found a job as a research assistant. I didn’t really like myself in work life. Despite physical abuse from my boyfriend, I still stuck on with him because I wouldn’t know how to be with any other guy. I stayed on with him simply because I needed a boyfriend. I just accepted him because I didn’t have anyone else.

I do not know how I acquired this mentality of feeling shameful about being single. I still have this feeling today. Last weekend at a wedding lunch, my ex-colleague asked me about my marital status and commented that if I still did not get married by 31, it would be too late because a girl’s shelf life was short.

To me it is very embarrassing if I don’t have a boyfriend. I couldn’t stand my ex-boyfriend anymore. We broke off eventually and he got married to someone else. So, all those guys that I was with have all got married, while I am still single. I ask myself: “What’s wrong with me?”

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